Dumb Spidy
by Valandil
Summary: What happens when Spiderman gets really, really dumb? My first fanfic. Please R&R. COMPLETE
1. CHAPTER UNO!

DUMB SPIDY

_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN SPIDER-MAN, PAC-MAN, VICTORIA'S SECRET OR HUMMER._

_MY FRIEND AND I MADE UP DUMB SPIDY IN THE THIRD GRADE AND HAVE BEEN MAKING STORIES ABOUT HIM FOR 4 YEARS NOW. HERE IS THE ORIGIN OF THAT CHARACTER…_

CHAPTER I

ONCEUPON A TIME, THERE WAS A BOY. A HE GOT BIT BY A SPIDER AND CALLED HIMSELF SPIDER-MAN.HE FOUGHT MANY BATTLES AND BECAME A HERO. BUT THEN HE FOUGHT DARK DUDE, THE VILLIAN PUSHED HIM INTO A GREEN LIQUID CALLED DUMB JUICE. IT MADE SPIDERMAN REALLY, REALLY, DUMB.

HE CALLLED HIMSELF DUMB SPIDY. HE RAN AWAY AND GOT LOST IN A MALL. "WHERE IS THE VIDEOGAME STORE?" HE ASKED HIMSELF AND RAN INTO VICTORIA'S SECRET.

WHILE HE WAS SHIELDING HIS EYES FROM THE HALF-NAKED WOMEN MANICANS, (WHICH HE THOUGHT WERE REAL) HE MADE HIS WAY TO THE CASH REGISTER. HE SAW THE COMPUTER AND THUOGHT IT WAS PAC-MAN. HE DELETED ALL THE DATA IN THE COMPUTER THINKING THAT HE WAS EATING THE DOTS.

THE MANAGER CAME AND SAW HIM. HE KICKED DUMB SPIDY WHERE IT HURTS, AND THREW HIM IN A DUMPSTER.

NOW DUMB SPIDY WAS FEELING HUNGRY. AND HE NOTICED (AFTER 5 HOURS) THAT HE WAS IN A DUMPSTER FULL OF FOOD. AFTER EATING SOME TOFU BITES, HE FOUND AN OPENING ON THE BOTTOM OF THE DUMPSTER. HE CLIMBED DOWN THROUGH THE TRASH, AND WENT THROUGH THE HOLE IN THE BOTTOM.

HE WAS NOW ON THE FREEWAY. AFTER SAYING "HI!" TO SOME OLD HOBOS, HE WENT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. A NICE HUMMER WAS DRIVING ON THE ROAD TOWARD DUMB SPIDY.

"WOW. WHAT A NICE TRUCK. I WISH I HAD THAT TRUCK. WOW! THE SKY IS BLUE!" CLEARLY HE WAS CLUELESS THAT HE WAS GOING TO DIE.

HE GOT RUN OVER BY THE HUMMER, BUT HIS POTBELLY (THAT HE GOT WHILE HE WAS EATING) CUSHIONED HIM.

_WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? SEE IN FUTURE CHAPTERS. I OWN DUMB SPIDY DARK DUDE, AND TOFU BITES. I WILL HAVE ANOTHER CHAPTER POSTWD SOON! PLEASE REVIEW_.


	2. the second chapter

This is chapter 2 and I hope you like it! Disclaimer: I don't own Channel 8 News,Or any of the spider-man locations, characters, or settings

LAST TIME, DUMB SPIDY WAS LYING ON THE GROUND UN-CONSCIENCE. THE MAN WHO OWNED THE HUMMER GOT OUT OF IT AND CALLED 911. THE POLICE CAME.

MAN: THIS IMBECILE CRASHED INTO MY CAR! ARREST HIM!

POLICE GUY: WHATS HIS NAME.

THE MAN DIDN'T KNOW SO HE JUST MADE UP A NAME

MAN: UH, BILLY BOB JOE, YEAH, BILLY BOB JOE IS HIS NAME

POLICE GUY: THAT'S AN ODD NAME. IS HE A HILLBILLY?

MAN: I GUESS SO.

POLICE GUY: HELP ME STUFF HIM INTO THE POLICE CAR.

MAN: OK

SO THEY PICKED DUMB SPIDY UP AND PUT HIM IN THE CAR.

AS THE POLICE MAN WAS DRIVING AROUND, D.S.(DUMB SPIDY) WOKE UP.

D.S.: AGHHHH! WHERE AM I AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH SANTA!

(DUMB SPIDY WAS STILL HALF ASLEEP)

POLICE GUY: AHHHHHHH! A MAD MAN IS TRYING TO KILL ME!

D.S.: TELL ME WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WITH SANTA!

POLICE GUY: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT SANTA BUT NOW I HAVE TO DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO!

THE POLICE GUY REACHED FOR SOME PEPPER SPRAY AND TRIED TO SQUIRT DUMB SPIDY WITH IT. BUT AS HE WAS TRYING TO DO THAT, THE POLICE CAR CRASHED INTO A TREE.

THE POLICE GUY RAN AWAY. DUMB SPIDY (NOW FULLY WOKEN UP) LOOKED AT THE DAILY BUGLE AND THE LIZARD WAS ATTACKING IT.

DUMB SPIDY STARTED TO WALK TOWARD IT, BUT AN ICE CREAM TRUCK CAUGHT HIS ATTENTION. IT MADE A U-TURN, AND CRASHED INTO SPIDY.

2 HOURS LATER….

DUMB SPIDY WOKE UP TO SEE CHANNEL 8 NEWS FILMING HIM. IT WAS A NEWS SEGMENT CALLED "WHEN DUMB PEOPLE GET HURT REALLY BADLY"

DUMB SPIDY LOOKED AT THE CAMERA AND SAID "HI MOM!" AND THEN THE AMBULANCE CAME TO TAKE SPIDY TO THE HOSPITAL. INSTEAD THEY ACCIDENTLY RAN OVER HIM.

THE PARAMEDICS HEARD A BUMP IN THE AMBULANCE AND BACKED UP TO SEE THEIR PATIENT FLATTENED LIKE A PANCAKE.

AMBULANCE WOMAN: WE NEED THE SHOVEL!

THE POLICE AND PARAMEDICS EACH TOOK A SHOVEL FROM THE BACK OF THE AMBULANCE AND SCRAPED DUMB SPIDY OFF OF THE ROAD. THEY CAREFULLY LAID HIM IN THE AMBULANCE AND DROVE TO THE HOSPITAL.

WELL THAYS IT FOR CHAPTER 2. Chapter 3 will come soon. Please review! 


	3. No 3

_This is chapter three. I hope you like it. Disclaimer:I don't own any of M.C. Hammer's songs._

Well, Dumb Spidy was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. He started to sing:

"100 bottles of beer on the wall, take on down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall…."

It started to annoy the drivers. They told him to shut up. He couldn't hear them over his squeaky voice.

Driver: what should we do? This guy is a total nut job!

Paramedic: I have a idea.

So they took a shovel and smacked him in the head. He just kept singing. They smacked him again, and he punched in a reflex.

Paramedic: Oww! That guy is dangerous! He should be kept in a mental institute.

Dumb Spidy kept singing: "69 bottles of beer on the wall…."

Driver: That's it! I can't take this anymore!

They threw him out of the door

Driver: Gosh! That's finally over! Let's go back for donuts, I'll buy!

They finally got to the hospital. They opened the door. Dumb Spidy was standing right in front of him.

D.S.: Can I have a jelly filled donut?

One doctor ran away screaming.

Other doctor: How are you here? We dumped you in the street.

D.S.: Oh, I thought you needed room for the donuts. Can I have a jelly one?

Doctor: So you followed us?

D.S.: Yeah. I wanted a donut!

The doctors were very ticked off now. They put him in the basement.

The nurse came to ask if he wanted medication.

D.S.: No, toots, I am a rebel!

30 MINUTES LATER….

Dumb Spidy stared having hallucinations and walked around singing "You Can't Touch This" by M.C. Hammer.

The doctor saw him and tied him up to a pole.

D.S.: These ropes are itchy!

_That's the end of chapter 3. Plz review. Thanks for reading!_


	4. The Last Chapter

Dumb Spidy was going to the zoo, but then he got a great idea.

"Why don't I try to web-sling?" he thought.

He kept on trying, and finally some web came out of his puny, weak, wrists.

He was standing on a building above the entrance to the zoo.

He shot his web at an airplane that was flying above him.

"That was convenient!"

Dumb Spidy jumped off the building and was now hanging for dear life.

The airplane sped up, and he let go of his web.

Spidy fell in the middle of the zoo.

"That near-death experience makes me hungry!"

Dumb Spidy looked around and saw the aquarium. 

"Yum, sushi!" he said as he went toward the fishes, "I better bring some onions to season them up with!"

"Cool, no line!"

Dumb Spidy reached his hand in the water, hoping to grab a goldfish.

Instead, a poison sea urchin strung him.

He fell to the ground crying.

"It's just the onions." Some one said as they heard the crying.

Now Dumb Spidy was all pale white.

A young girl, no older than 4 came by him and thought he was Casper, the friendly ghost.

She stuffed him in her tiny stroller.

"Molly, we are going home!" her mother said.

They went to the van with Dumb Spidy still in the stroller.

The mother folded the stroller up, with Dumb Spidy in it.

The family drove home.

The heat of the car made the metal on the stroller really hot. 

That heat burned up Dumb Spidy pretty bad.

The mother took out the stroller and opened it up.

She noticed what she thought was a burnt chip.

The 'burnt chip' was Dumb Spidy.

Not knowing that, the mom threw him in the garbage.

"Back where I started. In a trash can. Only now I have 4 degree burns!" that thought went through Dumb Spidy's little mind.

He still didn't eat.

The trash in the can started to look very appetizing.

He ate it all.

He puked which was acid puke, because he the trash.

The puke melted away a flower bed that revealed the entrance to a secret lab.

He went inside.

………………………………...

It was very shiny. The metal walls looks polished, but our dumb hero was too distracted by the sight of a bag of Tofu Bites.

He loved Tofu Bites.

He started to eat them.

He ate so many, he became fat.

Dumb Spidy was so fat, he could roll like a ball.

A door in the lab opened.

It was the owner of the lab-Dark Dude! (the man who made Dumb Spidy dumb.) 

"I'm surprised you came this far, Spiderman. I made you dumb so you couldn't find my hide-out. I guess I'll just have to kill you!"

Dark Dude put him in a glass cylinder over a tub of Dumb Juice.

"If you become any dumber, you will die!" Dark Dude said as he pulled a lever to lower Dumb Spidy in the liquid.

"I feel sick!" Dumb Spidy said.

Then he sonic burped.

The burp shattered the glass around him and destroyed the lab.

Dark Dude was stuck under some debris.

"I guess the Dumb Juice also gives super-powers!" Dark Dude muttered as the police came to arrest him.

"Thanks a lot Dumb Spidy. You helped arrest a dangerous criminal!" the police sheriff said giving Dumb Spidy a metal.

Now all evil will fear the name of earth's newest super hero- Dumb Spidy!

THE END 


End file.
